No matter how I look at this chapter, or what I try to do with it, it comes back to this.  How would demons fight?  Why would one demon use a woman as bait to lure the other? (Though I already have the answer to that.  The woman happens to be this demon’s offspring.)

The first answer that springs to mind, is they don’t.  Demons, in general, prefer sneaky, conniving, backstabbing, and anything else that won’t dirty their hands.  They’re not beyond hiring human assassins to do their dirty work.  Or demon assassins.  Occasionally, they’ll even stoop to talking one of the fallen or lost into doing the dirty deed for them.

But they rarely come together head on.

Which is what I was trying to do.

Which is also why it’s probably not working so good.

Okay, so I’ve figured out what the problem is.  That’s all well and good.  Now I just have to figure out what to do with it.  There’s not enough word count left to completely redo the end of the book.  I don’t want Denzel to come charging in to the rescue, because that would be a set up for the heroine in trouble falling for the first man that comes to save her.  (Though the falling for is a long, highly amusing process.)  If Milandu sends someone in his place, I don’t know what would happen to Jacky.

I could do this without the major fight.  Maybe still a little fight, but Perssius needs to be banished again so that he can be an interesting character in later books.  I need Jacky to summon the sword.  I need her to get her throat torn up a bit, so that (strangely enough) Denzel can come and save her.  Oh, and we can’t forget Bane.  Not sure what part he’d play in this, but he needs to play a part.

I just don’t know how to make this all work together to create a chapter that hits the climax of the book, explains things without being an info dump, and still be exciting.

So, I’ve made progress, at least.  I know what the problem is.  I have a general idea of what needs to happen to fix it.  I’m just not sure how to do it.  Maybe a bit more time (and some more blogging) will help me arrive at a conclusion that will solve all my problems.

If time is what this book needs to be great, than time I can give it.

I think I’ve finally figured out what part of the problem is.  This chapter is “final battle,” where Milandu and Perssius come together and bash heads.  The problem is, they’re demons.  I was trying to write this as most other epic fight scenes are between the antagonist and the…slightly protagonist.  Those are the battles between good and evil, but this isn’t one of those fights.

Because Perssius isn’t your typical villain.

Why?

Well, it’s true that one of the things he’s seeking is revenge.  He has good reasons, though.  (Reasons I’m not sure how to explain without one of those stupid villain monologues that I hate and don’t want to write.)  But would a devious water demon seek revenge in an all-out brawl with a fire demon?  Even backed by his sin?

I think not.

The end of this book needs a complete re-think.  Because really, the best way to get revenge on Milandu is to go after Jacky.  Which has already happened, to an extent.  I just need to decide if I can still have all the things I need to have happen actually happen if I change the fight scene around a bit.

I think I can.  I just need some time to iron out the details and make sure everything it going to fall into nice clean lines.

Unfortunately, I don’t have that time right now.  Class is going to start soon.

Once again I’ve come to a fight scene, the final “epic” battle, and I’m having issues.  Don’t even know where to begin looking for solutions, either.  Usually when I come to blog about my issues, I have some idea of where to start.  Right now?

I’m blind as a fucking moth at a lights festival.

Part of the problem is I’m feeling rushed.  School starts on my Monday (the 24), and I wanted to have DEALIGN WITH DEMONS completely revised before I got sucked into classes, school work, and the possibility of regaining a social life.  It’s not the time pressure getting me, though.  I work better under pressure, usually.

Again, I’m left wondering what on earth is wrong.

I’ve tried all my usual tricks.  None of them have helped clear the block.  I may try resorting to packing up the laptop and going someplace else to work, see if new surroundings will help at all.  Maybe I’ll try finding a nice place where I can sit and work on campus, since I’ll be spending oodles of time there in the coming months.

The most frustrating bit is not knowing why I’m having issues.  I want to pick apart my thoughts and feelings to get to the bottom of the problem and get over it.  Everything seems to be such a tangle, however, that I can’t find an end so I can begin to unravel the mass.

I was hoping blogging would help, as it so often does.  Since it hasn’t.  Well… maybe it’s time to write a short story.  Something, anything, to get my mind off Jacky for a bit.   Though I really hate that idea.  Hate it a lot.

Ugh.  Just, ugh.

As some of you probably noticed, I posted a short story today. Not even a story, really. Just a scene that has everything and nothing to do with the Jacqueline Kendricks series I’ve been pouring myself into for years. What I didn’t say in the comments was that was the third attempt to get something from Lusivar’s point of view written. (FYI, you don’t meet Lusivar until HIGH COURTS OF HELL.)

The other two I never even got close to finishing. But they contained some very valuable little tidbits that could have a very large part to play in later Jacky books.

It was fun going over them.

It’s always fun going over old content. Whether it’s completed stories, or just bits and pieces that are written as they occur to me. Some of the writing makes me wince because it’s so horrible, others make me blink and think “holy shit. I wrote that? Really?”

Mostly, though, it makes me glad I’m a writer.

So, don’t throw anything away. Ever. You’ll always come to regret it. Because going back and reading over stuff, you get to see how far you’ve come. How much you’ve improved. It’s good to see that every once in a while. It lets you see where you’ve come from, and gives you hope for where you’re going.

Man.  I honestly can’t remember the last time I had insomnia bad enough to actually pull me out of bed, seeking something to do.  I could probably be working on Jacky, but honestly, I don’t trust my judgement right now.  I’m awake.  That doesn’t mean I’m fully operational.

So, what better way to kill time and amuse myself than to blog?

I’ve seen a lot of authors blog about the kind of music they listen to when they write.  It’s a very wide and varied range of music, depending on the author, their preferences, and what gets their muse working.  I don’t know how music works for other writers.  I’m not even sure I can explain how it works for me, but I’m going to try.

I do, unsurprisingly, have a playlist titled “Jacky’s Music.”  Surprisingly, this is not the music I listen to when I write.  This is a compilation of songs that remind me, or one reason or another, of my characters.  For example the song “Bad Reputation” makes me think of Jacky.  Or, rather, how Jacky perceives herself.  ”Hope Vol. 2″ by Apcolyptica reminds me of Denzel.  Not cause of the lyrics or anything, but because the character in my head resembles Matthias Sayer a great deal.

Other songs on this list include; “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica, “The Noose” by A Perfect Circle, “Planet Hell” by Nightwish, “Psychopomp” by the Tea Party, and just to show what a wide range of genres touch upon my characters, “That’s Life,” by Frank Sanatra.

This is the list I listen to when I can’t get “in the mood.”  These are, mostly, songs that, when I hear them I think, “That could so be Jacky’s theme song,” or “Aaaw, what a sweet love song.  Sounds like something my adorable little couple would enjoy.”  They serve as a connection to my characters.  It helps me remember how much I love them, and lets me get back in touch when I’m having a hard time hearing their voices.

The music I actually write to is quite different.

Generally, I listen to classical.  Rachmaninoff, Beethoven, Debussy, “Night on Bald Mountain,” “In the Hall of the Mountain King,” the finale to the “Fire Bird” suite.  Lots of range.  Lots of emotion.  Some soft and sweet, others energetic.  The lack of lyrics helps me focus on my writing better, I’ve noticed.  Usually.  There are times when classical music just doesn’t work well with what I’m doing.  I haven’t been able to revise to it at all, which is a little odd.

The list of what I listen too when classical fails includes Celtic rock, heavy metal, movie and game themes, oldies, and Irish fold songs.  Eventually I’ll find something that just “works.”  Sometimes it takes a while.  Sometimes I know right off the bat what kind of music will do the trick.

And now, thanks my loverly guild mate Dristun, I have a whole new playlist (accessible online here) to listen to and work with.  Great rock music.  I can see it working well for me sometimes.

If nothing else, it’s great music to raid to. 8D

Revising has been coming, slowly but surely.  Adding a completely new chapter.  It’s fun and tricky at the same time, because there’s material I want to keep from the original, but don’t know quite how to work it in.  Might have to give up and sacrifice my pretty little lamb to the creative gods.  It’ll be hard, but maybe some good will come of it.

If I haven’t blogged about it here before (sometimes I forget what I write where) I’m a huge fan of World of Warcraft (WoW).  It’s much more fun to play when I have people to talk to, and this new(ish) guild of mine is great.  They’re a bunch of wise-ass nuts, and although there are times when I don’t feel particularly liked (old childhood tramas, leave me be, damnit) I do like listening to their banter.  And they do like me.  I know they do.

I have issues.  I know it.  Just not sure how to fix it except to deal with it as best I can.

Anyway!  This new guild of mine is a raiding guild.  They took me through my first 10 man Naxxaramas, 25 man Naxx, 25 man Obsidian Sancutary (I think that’s what it’s called.  Everyone just calls OS), 10 man Eye of Eternity, a try at 25 man Eye of Eternity, and 10 and 25 man Vaults of Archaeon (probably spelled wrong), and they helped me complete all the heroic dungeons in Northrend.  With their help, I’ve managed to fully gear my Resto drood (druid, for the WoW illiterate), and I have four pieces of five of my tier 7 gear.  Soon I’ll be doing Ulduar raids.

I’m having a shit load of fun.  They’re a great group to hang with.  And they don’t mind the fact that I’m not a know-all.  I love them.  They make the fifteen dollars a month totally worth it.

That, and they keep me sane while I’m revising.  Not that they know that, but there it is.

I’ve been making good progress on revising DEALING WITH DEMONS.  Sometimes it’s frustrating, and depressing, but for the most part, I feel good about what I’m writing.

It’s shocking, really, how quickly all my excitement about my book can be dashed.

My sister started reading the revised stuff.  It is a lot better than what it was originally, and she agrees.  She’s the only person that’s been here since the birth of Jacky.  She likes it a lot more, thinks it’s a lot better.

But when compared with something I started for shits and giggles, she likes the other one more.  Because it’s different.  And it is.

So now I’m doubting myself.  Should Jacky really be the books I spend so much time and effort on when they’re not original (the later books are more original, she says, but the only one that really matters is the first one.  If that one doesn’t sell, none of them will) when I could be working on this pretty unique idea?

I don’t know.  Jacky is my brainchild.  I’ve ready plenty of blogs from authors and agents that say sometimes the only way to succeed is to give up on one brainchild, and start working on another.

I don’t know what to do, and I hate that feeling.  It’s a feeling that makes me feel lost, and alone, and not quite frightened, but unsure.  It’s been so hard, battling my own doubts.  Now I have doubts built on the foundation of confirmation.  How do you shake something like that?  Or should you even try?  Maybe I should work on FBL (FAERIE BAD LUCK) and get it ready and polished, and try to get it published.  Then, once I’m established with that, I could shoot for the Jacky books to get their chance in the limelight.

But, if I did that, I wouldn’t reach my goal of being ready to query before 2010.  I only have five chapters written of FBL.  I’d have to finish writing it, revise it, polish it, and with school quickly approaching, and me taking a full course load, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to get it done.

Usually blogging helps get my thoughts in order, helps me figure things out.  This time, it hasn’t helped.  I’m not sure what it’s going to take to get it figured out.  But whatever I decide to do, I need to decide quickly.  Summer is being eaten away, and once school starts, it’ll be hard to get much of anything except homework done.

Meh.  I need time, but time is the one thing I can’t have.

I’ve never liked revising.  Things have not changed in the five years I’ve been writing seriously.  I mean, I usually get so sick of it that I’d rather just rewrite the entire flipping book, than revising it chapter after chapter, page after page.

I’ve no idea how to fix this problem of mine, but I imagine I’ll get over it.  Except for the stray chapter, DEALING WITH DEMONS really only needs some revising.  You know.  Tidy up this bit.  Get the description of that character just right.

It’d tedious, and boring, and I want to be done.

I’m only on chapter eight.  *sob*

But I figure, one chapter a day.  If I finish one chapter every day, I’ll be finished revising in just a bit over a month.  There will be some chapters that need re-writing, and those will take at least two days.  And some just need to be yoinked out completely.  Those won’t take much time at all.  So a month.

I can have this finished in a month, and then spend until december agonizing over query letters.  Not looking forward to that, either.  But, whatever.  This is what I want to be doing.  That means that I have to suck it up when there’s something I don’t want to do, and do it anyway.

Let’s hear it for learning to be a mature and responsible adult.

Chapter seven of DEALING WITH DEMONS turned out to be a re-write. It happens, even when you’re supposed to be revising. I knew before I shoved away from shore that there were going to be some chapters that just didn’t work, and others that would need a lot of spackle and paint before they’d be reader worthy.

The fact that chapter seven is the first chapter that’s needed serious rewriting is a good sign. It means I don’t have to write the entire book again.

Progress has been made.

The problem is my left hand. I’m not exactly sure what I’ve done to it, but it aches. A deep, almost gentle ache that doesn’t hurt so much as remind me that there’s something wrong with my hand. Something wrong that doesn’t like being at the computer for hours on end, writing and playing wow.

It’s not carpal tunnel. It’s not my wrist that hurts me. It’s a spot on the back of my hand, between thumb and index finger. It’d been bothering me for a while, but I slammed into a wall, braced hands first, while playing with the puppy, and my wrist sang out in something very closely akin to agony. That was friday night. It hasn’t gotten much better since.

Ice helps. Ignoring it helps. I’m hoping I didn’t do something to really mess up my hand. Because, lets face it, I’m not like my dancer sister. I’m not a huge fan of pain, and I don’t want pain to be associated with what I love to do.

But I can tell you one thing. I’m not going to let it stop me from doing what I love to do.

At orientation yesterday, the English advisor was talking about the different majors.  And what they required.  Most of the people gathered round were planning on majoring in Teaching.  There were a couple planning to major in just straight English, and one person majoring in Tech Writing.  There were three or four of us raising our hands to say we wanted to major in Creative Writing.

Of the four, I think I was the only one excited by the prospect of doing a portfolio.  Or, in other words, a major’s project.  

Which will include researching magazines/journals that publish our genre of writing.  Submitting work to said magazines/journals, and doing a public reading.

It was probably the public reading that got the other three CW majors.  I was too excited about the prospect of writing stuff and putting it together and sharing it with others to be freaked by the thought of a public reading.

Actually, I’m kinda looking forward to it.

See.  Writer.  ^_^