I’ve been making good progress on revising DEALING WITH DEMONS. Sometimes it’s frustrating, and depressing, but for the most part, I feel good about what I’m writing.
It’s shocking, really, how quickly all my excitement about my book can be dashed.
My sister started reading the revised stuff. It is a lot better than what it was originally, and she agrees. She’s the only person that’s been here since the birth of Jacky. She likes it a lot more, thinks it’s a lot better.
But when compared with something I started for shits and giggles, she likes the other one more. Because it’s different. And it is.
So now I’m doubting myself. Should Jacky really be the books I spend so much time and effort on when they’re not original (the later books are more original, she says, but the only one that really matters is the first one. If that one doesn’t sell, none of them will) when I could be working on this pretty unique idea?
I don’t know. Jacky is my brainchild. I’ve ready plenty of blogs from authors and agents that say sometimes the only way to succeed is to give up on one brainchild, and start working on another.
I don’t know what to do, and I hate that feeling. It’s a feeling that makes me feel lost, and alone, and not quite frightened, but unsure. It’s been so hard, battling my own doubts. Now I have doubts built on the foundation of confirmation. How do you shake something like that? Or should you even try? Maybe I should work on FBL (FAERIE BAD LUCK) and get it ready and polished, and try to get it published. Then, once I’m established with that, I could shoot for the Jacky books to get their chance in the limelight.
But, if I did that, I wouldn’t reach my goal of being ready to query before 2010. I only have five chapters written of FBL. I’d have to finish writing it, revise it, polish it, and with school quickly approaching, and me taking a full course load, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to get it done.
Usually blogging helps get my thoughts in order, helps me figure things out. This time, it hasn’t helped. I’m not sure what it’s going to take to get it figured out. But whatever I decide to do, I need to decide quickly. Summer is being eaten away, and once school starts, it’ll be hard to get much of anything except homework done.
Meh. I need time, but time is the one thing I can’t have.
